can u get pink eye on your cock?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
