We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
