I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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