the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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