her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
