I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I am in a vortex of obligation.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
