You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
