i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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