East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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