Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
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when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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