The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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