Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
