Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Text me some of your sweat
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