the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
