his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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