Porn is love you can see.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
