her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
