Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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