So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I love you. Go after that dick
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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