do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
