so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
