If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
