No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
