Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
