I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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