Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
