I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
