haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
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You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
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Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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