Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
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Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
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So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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