my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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