apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
