Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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