Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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