i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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