She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
