He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
FUCK WHALES
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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