At least make sure they are 18
Why
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
