she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
