I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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