I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
