Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You ever have a fart follow you around?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year