I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
