We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
birth control should be required to get into college
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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