"it" just moved
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I checked into jail on foursquare
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
