so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
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We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
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I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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