Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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