You smell like stripper and shame
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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