i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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