How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
