Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
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