sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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