I just found a bag of teeth...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
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He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
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If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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