Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
