So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
