i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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