I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
