Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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