Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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