You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
