She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
