So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
