is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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