i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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