Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
